525,600 minutes

Exactly one year ago, I was sitting in my bedroom in Louisville, surrounded by luggage and... stuff. Trying to figure out exactly what I'd need for one year in a country I'd never visited, doing a job I couldn't even imagine (and then making sure that each bag weighed exactly no more than 50 lbs). The next morning, I would leave for orientation and then a year away from home.

(Otherwise known as that time Anna and I met for the first time IRL, and Instagrammed it for posterity)

I look about as tired as you'd imagine after staying up all night to pack!

Today, I sit in the bedroom of my childhood home, surrounded by luggage and ... stuff. Tomorrow I will finally be home home: My Old Kentucky Home. One year to the day from when I left. I'm pretty psyched. 

I will probably be wearing this shirt tomorrow, fair warning. 

Just thinking of all the experiences I've had and the people I've met in these past 12 months make me feel like the luckiest girl in the world. I am really glad I get to see my NI crew at re-entry in a few weeks, because I'm already going through DTs after just a few weeks apart. At the same time I'm prepping for home, all of next year's YAV's are getting off the plane in New Jersey for a week of orientation. I have such excitement and hope for them as they begin this journey, and I ask that you keep them in your thoughts this week as they are hit with more information than I've even been able to process this entire year.

I've not met the newest crop of YAVs, but a few of their blogs are already posted on the PC(USA) site. Feel free to check out the new NI crew (Sarah P. will be at my former placement sites next year):

• Courtney
• Kalli
• Marranda
• Sarah A.
• Sarah P.

Blessings. 

T.

One Week

Next Sunday is my last in Belfast.

(so strange to type that!)

This week and the next have been / will be full of packing, spending time with friends and trying to visit all the places I've put off til the end. Oh, yeah - and the 12th of July is in there somewhere. That's a whole other post...

FMPCI team at dinner

Even though my room is slowly emptying, it still hasn't sunk in that my time here is coming to an end. I'm not sure when it will feel real - my final service at Fortwilliam and Macrory? Saying goodbye to my fellow YAVs before I head on holiday? Getting on the plane to America? Three months from now in the middle of the night?

Making progress...

So I guess in addition to general "what's happening-ness", part of this post is a sort of apology... if I've had to say goodbye to you already and it didn't quite have the weight of "I might never see you again" attached - it's because it isn't quite real to me yet. I will definitely miss everyone here!

Vine - volunteer appreciation lunch

Ch- ch- changes

Sorry for the long silence - recently it's been that every time I sit down to write, I pull a giant blank. So I've decided to just write through all the weirdness and fill you in on a bit of YAV life to date...

The weather in Belfast has been uncharacteristically gorgeous, so we've all been in a super, sunshine-induced happiness which is awesome after months of cold, grey rain. Hanging just on the periphery, however is the knowledge that our time here is coming to an end. This is bittersweet: on one hand we're all excited to see family and friends, but on the other we're sad to see this year end. I've become so close to this group, the idea of being scattered across the country next year is really hard. We've been taking every opportunity to spend time together, take day trips to places we haven't been yet and soak up everything we can before we go.

Day trip to Derry / Londonderry

Things are wrapping up at work as well. Last week was my final Bible Study and prayer group, today is my last homework club. Mums and Tots and JAFFA end next week. While I'll have other tasks to fill the time, I've often said that this year has been about building relationships, and many of these will come to an end when I'm not at the Vine each week.

Dinner with my Bible Study group

As I prepare to go, people keep asking what I'll do when I get home. The truth is, I have no real clue. At orientation, they warned us that re-entry would be difficult. So I've effectively had a year to worry about fitting back into "my life" when I return. To be fair, I've not been too concerned about it for most of my time here, but as the date of my return flight inches closer, the worry begins to mount.

So now I see the changes that have gone on back home while I've been gone - new relationships, marriages, babies, jobs, houses... and I'm afraid that the "home" I'm sick for doesn't exist anymore. Self-reflection is hard - and while I've not seen myself change, I've been told by others that they've seen a change in me. It's weird to think you don't even know yourself anymore.

So yes, there are lots of thoughts floating around in my head, and I'm not really always sure how to feel about them, much less express them. So for now, please just be patient with me while I try to figure it out!

Greetings from sunny Belfast!

A moment for reflection

At lunch today, I mentioned to another of the young adults in our lunch group that my last Sunday at Fortwilliam and Macrory would be July 14th. After which, I will be packing up for a bit of travel before heading home. This was soon followed by the realization that today is April 14th, making it exactly 3 months before I leave Belfast.

This is so strange. I know that time is flying, but this feels a little extreme. There is still so much here I want to learn and do before my time is up!  But as much as I want to soak it all up here, my mind has already started to drift back to Louisville - clearing up my resume for the impending job search, pulling my old landlord's contact info out of the files - but in reality I have so much still left to experience here.

I've had this discussion with some of the other YAVs, about this strange limbo between Northern Ireland and the States, knowing that many of our projects are wrapping up soon for the summer, and that the next batch of Volunteers are making their first steps toward fundraising and preparing for their new life-changing experience. Like many of the emotions I've experienced this year, trying to put it all into words somehow seems so daunting. Maybe someday I'll be able to do it justice.

6 Months

It hit me today that 6 months from today, I'll be boarding a plane back to the states. It is so strange to think that I'm already halfway through my year in Belfast.

Looking back, I'm sure there are a lot of ways I've changed and adapted to being here. I've learned so much about myself. I've proven that I'm stronger than I think, that I can move to a foreign country, that I can navigate a new city. I've formed friendships both within the YAV program, and in the places I work.

(Most of) the Saturday night Youth Club team

I get to work with kids who are rowdy and hyper and "do my head in" (that's Belfast for "drive me crazy") on a regular basis, but who are also hilarious and smart and fill me with so much joy. Today, C. didn't see me in homework club and asked where I was (I was right behind her); M. asked how much longer until I had to go home (prompting my aforementioned realization). Her granny says she caught her practicing her American accent at home: "I'm Tricia, and I'm from America!"

Working on "maths" in Homework Club

I know I don't always focus on my day-to-day activities on this blog - mostly because it sounds boring when I list it out: helping with homework, teaching kids to make pretzels, reading stories to the Boys' Brigade or serving lunch to pensioners. But what I'm really doing is forming relationships. Letting these people into my heart... which will make that moment when I board a plane 6 months from now so much more difficult.

Story time in Boys' Brigade

All I can do now is make the most of the time I have left!

Homecoming

So, while I was preparing for my grand adventure, I had several people ask what I would do when I was finished. My answer was generally some version of, "this year is meant to change my life, so I'm going to wait for that before making any big plans". The problem with this, however, has become apparent:

It's already time to book my flight home. 

No, this hasn't changed from "A Year of Service for a Lifetime of Change" to "Six Weeks of Service...", but to ensure the church gets the best rates, they book our flights home almost a year in advance. Hence the whole "time to book your flight home" scenario in which I find myself.

This shouldn't really be a problem. I mean, it's not like I have to have a job waiting for me in order to book the tickets, but it does raise several questions I thought I'd have a little more time to answer: e.g., Do I want to travel after my placement is complete (stupid question)? Where and for how long? Do I want to pursue higher education? If so, when do classes start? All of a sudden, the questions I thought I had some time to put off have become immediately pressing.

Time to do some research... and praying!

Saying goodbye...

So I touched on it briefly in my last post - the difficulty of saying goodbye.

(I write this post in the interest of transparency I've promised to this blog and my experiences with the YAV program - but I'm going to save it until I get back to Kentucky. Mostly because I don't know that I can hold it together if my mom reads this before I go. Mom, you've been warned.)

On each trip to Orlando, I typically try to find time to visit some places that hold special significance: a walk through part of the neighborhood I've lived in since preschool, a trip to the park or my old home church. During this particular trip, however, these experiences were especially poignant - as many felt like a final farewell.

So much has changed in my hometown in the 10+ years since I've moved to Kentucky, and the strong memories I hold with these places are beginning to fade (the true testament to this being that I actually got lost driving home by a once-familiar route).

This time, I walked past the house my grandparents lived in for 40+ years and remembered all the little details of growing up there. I looked at the front door, and muscle memory told me exactly what it would feel like to open the latch. Even though my grandparents moved out years ago, seeing a For Sale sign in the yard made me feel like I'd never see the house again.

On Sunday, I visited the church I attended from birth through college... and recognized a total of about 5 people in the 3,950 member congregation. The sermon highlighting their recent switch from PC(USA) to EPC made me feel like even more of an outsider. I quietly said my goodbyes after the service, and honestly don't know that I'll ever go back.
 

Saying goodbye to places is tough, but I've begun to realize how monumentally difficult it will be to say goodbye to my family. Typically stoic, I completely lost it this evening when I dropped my grandma at her apartment after dinner and it hit me that I won't be back home for almost a year and a half.

I know there will be more goodbyes in the months to come. I've even taught my mom to Skype. Part of me hopes that my other goodbyes will go smoothly and tear-free (which is much more my style, actually) - but the other part of me feels blessed to have these relationships that make it so difficult to leave.

"How lucky I am to have something that makes saying goodbye so hard."

-Carol Sobieski, Annie

Slán go fóill

We're raising our glasses to Tricia,
She's leaving and that is our issue,
Have fun in Belfast,
But hurry back fast,

'Cause while you are gone we will miss ya!

- Jake C.

Tonight, my mom and stepdad hosted a fantastic party, full of people I've known throughout my life: old friends and new, cousins, coworkers and significant others... all gathered in my honor for my last visit to Orlando before I leave for Belfast. It was wonderful and humbling to be surrounded in love by these people who have known me my entire life. Of course, as usual, my mother cooked far too much food and a good time was had by all!

The title of this post is slán go fóill - which means in English, "Good bye for now". While it will be difficult to leave my family and friends (3 months to the day from today), I will carry with me the hopes, love and prayers of those who have shaped me over the years and left an indelible mark on my heart in the process. It is truly awesome to have the support of so many as I prepare for this journey. But for now I head to bed, happy and with a new sense of purpose.  I feel that I can't say it enough, but I'll say it again:

THANK YOU!